I am not a writer, I am not a teacher, I am not a CEO, I AM a mother, wife and a woman that has lived a life that has had much heartache. I am here to tell my story and share my journey, which I have been told is very remarkable.
I grew up in a very magical time, the 1960's, when kids could be kids and life was pretty easy. I made it through high school and college with only one goal, to get married and have children. Well, I achieved that goal, and was married and had three children by the time I was 33. Things were perfect, or so they looked from the outside. I was in a loveless and abusive marriage and to top thing off, I had a very sick child. My youngest, Jonathan, was diagnosed with a brain tumor when he was 21 months old.
Fast forward to 2005. Jonathan had survived a long illness, many stays in the hospital and many surgeries. I decided to leave the marriage, something I should have done years before, but never had the courage to do. I finally stood up for myself and voiced my feelings, something I could not seem to do for 19 years. I knew that I had no choice, I did not know what was going to happen to me if I did not leave. So somewhere I found the strength to leave and buy own home. It was such a great feeling to have my own place, a safe place, a quiet place.
My children were not as happy as I was. My daughter was ready for college and very angry at me. My middle son was indifferent and my youngest was very sweet and understanding. I think that kids that have been through so much are extra sensitive to others feelings.
June of 2006 I was legally divorced. Here I was, 45 years old, 3 children and trying to start over again. How scary, but so exciting at the same time. I was so happy to be on my own, and had no interest in dating at all. One night in July when all of my children were out, I decided to get on a dating website, just to see what kind of people were on. I did not put my picture or my name on my profile, I was just being a voyeur. No one contacted me for days until one night I received an email thru the website . I decided to respond. Little did I know that the only person that contacted me would be the love of my life. He had signed up for this website as a bet with a friend that he had dared to get on the site. He had no picture as well, so I figured, why not, it seemed safe. For a couple of nights we emailed back and forth to each other until he asked me for my phone number, and hesitantly I gave it to him. He immediately called me and I knew the minute I heard his voice, he was special. We talked on the phone every night for 3 weeks, 2 to 3 hours at a time, and really got to know each other. I knew I was in love, for the first time in my life, without ever seeing him face to face. Needless to day, Phil won the bet.
Nine months later, Phil and I were inseparable. We were in love and enjoying life together. I finally knew what it meant to love and to be loved. We were helping all of our children heal from the pain of their parents divorce. We were happy, truly happy Then the worst thing that could happen to a parent happened. Jonathan died, May 7th 2007.
How do I do this? What do I do? I was so sad and so mad and so angry. I couldn't believe this was happening to me. Hadn't I been though enough? I was trying to make sense of all that had happened. How did Phil come into my life right as Jonathan was taken away? Was this the plan? Was this the way it was supposed to be? The night before Jonathan died, he asked Phil to always take care of me. Phil reassured him that he would honor his wishes and to this day he has not broken his promise. I think that there was a higher power that put Phil into my life because Jonathan was being taken away. I did not realize this right away as I struggled each day with the sadness of Jonathan and the happiness I had with Phil. I didn't understand how I could feel both feelings so strongly at the same time, but I did. Phil taught me that I could be happy despite my deep sadness and that it is okay to feel both. He has helped me and taught me so much and for that I am so grateful. He is the best person I have ever known and I feel like the luckiest person in the world to have him as my husband and my best friend.
Now, whenever Phil and I see a yellow butterfly flying around us, we feel a sense of happiness and peace, as we know that it is a sign that Jonathan is around us. It brings a level of comfort to me because I know that he is okay and that he would want me to be happy. I think of Jonathan everyday and cherish every moment that I had with him.
So here I am today, almost six years after Jonathan's death, living my life to the fullest. All of our children are on their way to being responsible and productive adults. Phil and I are still as in love today as we were when we met almost seven years ago and we are beginning a new journey as we are in the process of moving our life and our business to Los Angeles. I am happy, really happy and it is such a great feeling.